


Help Me Pt. 15/?

by WinterReadingerDixon67



Series: Help Me: On Hiatus : NOT ABANDONED [15]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, the winter soldier - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky's not happy, Cliffhangers, F/M, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt No Comfort, Major Character Injury, Not Steve Friendly, POV Bucky Barnes, Protective Bucky Barnes, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, Winters pissed, why Steve, why because I live for them, why you do this, winter soldier - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 13:01:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13435257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterReadingerDixon67/pseuds/WinterReadingerDixon67
Summary: Bucky finds out Steve’s secret and is beyond pissed. Will this new information cut the final thread of the soldiers friendship? Most importantly, how will Y/N react?





	Help Me Pt. 15/?

**Author's Note:**

> Alright here we go people, buckle your seatbelts cause this is gonna get rough! Swapping POV’s again, Bucky (Italic), Winter (Bold). Sorry if that gets kinda confusing. Oh yeah, it gets pretty angsty in this one, so…..I’m gonna run away and hide now….

My steps faltered when that small voice returned, it’s been awhile since we’ve spoken last. Ever since I ran into hiding from saving Steve’s life from the river, I was able to figure out a few things. Every time I was put into the chair, reprogrammed into the perfect killing machine Hydra wanted, only made the personality of my other half stronger. In moments of clarity, I was Bucky or a man who was trying to figure out who he was. When given orders, it was Winter who had the reigns, with me watching from the sidelines, helpless. 

Throughout my years hiding in Romania, I came to terms with Winter being a separate personality, a part of me I couldn’t erase. No matter how hard I tried. We shared stories, at least tried to, considering all of them consisted of death and endless pain. But at the same time, it was...nice having someone else to talk to. Even if it was just me having a conversation with myself. 

_ ‘Hasn’t been that long’ _

**‘I beg to differ, five years is long in my book’**

_ ‘Wish it was longer’ _

**‘Aw, did you miss me? Am I really that bad?’**

_ ‘You were when Hydra was here’ _

**‘You think I had a choice?’**

_ ‘Could’ve done something to end the manslaughter!’ _

**‘Manslaughter we were both involved in!’**

_ ‘You killed them!’ _

**‘WE killed them! I might not be a physical object, but we both have more blood on our hands and the memories and nightmares to prove it! Do you think I enjoyed ending lives, watching their very life vacate their bodies, feeling their blood wash over me? NO!’**

His voice was filled with so much pain and anger that it caused my legs to crumble underneath me as my hands clutched my head, fighting off the urge to scream. Pain and anger that I knew and understood, that I went through myself. Things that we both went through, memories Y/N felt, pain that she soothed out whenever it became too much. 

A sudden calmness washed over me, like a tranquil stream. Matching the soft trills of the birds in the trees, the wind winding its way through the branches. Lifting the newest layers of snow as if they were feathers. The sound of my heartbeat, the quiet breaths coming from me, grounded me, keeping me focused on not giving my position away. Years of brutal training kicking in. 

**‘Sorry’**

_ ‘For what? It’s not like you’re wrong, my hands are responsible for the loss of life, but,’ _

**‘** **_Hydra’s_ ** **hands are responsible. They just used your body to do their bidding, tore you apart, only to put you back together again. But just added me.’**

_ ‘Y/N’s gonna hate me though, after what I might find….what I might do’ _

**‘Well it wouldn’t be the first time someone felt that way, now enough dawdling, tell me more about this Y/N. We need to keep moving’**

_ ‘Alright pushy’ _

**‘You bet I’m pushy, now get talking and move your tush’**

Throughout the trek through the snow, Winter and I chatted back and forth. Well, more of like having a mental conversation. I wasn’t stupid enough to give away my position by talking out loud. If Steve could see me now, he’d more than likely see me as crazy. Having a heart-to-heart with the assassin Hydra created, the cold-blooded killer. However, he wouldn’t understand, Winter and I are the same people. We did the same things, killed together, experienced the pain, the torture, felt our bodies being ripped apart then stitched back together. The only difference was that I was a physical object and Winter was, well he was just a personality of mine. 

I stopped in my tracks, becoming like a statue, unseen from the visible eye. We were here. The well-camouflaged bunker door that led to the abandoned Hydra base was right in front of me. My answer was in there, Steve’s secret was in there. 

**‘Might as well see what all the fuss is about’** Without replying, I slipped out a handgun, my favorite knife and made my way towards the underground base.

\---------------------

Wandering through the halls wasn’t difficult, the place was so familiar I could still remember the Hydra agents, doctors in white lab coats rushing through the hallways. Watching as they moved off to the side as soon as I came walking in. My presence alone had them scared. Winter must’ve remembered as well, as his own memories mixed with mine. 

Rooms filled with test subjects, those who were too weak died, their bodies disposed of with the next subject being brought in. Children being brought in, because for some sick reason Hydra believed the younger the subject is, the stronger they will be. To become a new generation of soldiers, ones that would change history. 

**‘Stop’** Gun still at the ready, I wait for Winter to continue.

**‘Three hundred feet, turn left, fifth door on the left…’**

_ ‘What’s so special about that room?’ _

**‘Remember the last time we saw Y/N? Before, before** **_it_ ** **happened?’**

_ ‘Yeah I…’  _ I did what I promised myself I’d never do, dig through the memories of my time in Hydra. Going through all the recent timestamps before Y/N was erased from the picture. As if someone turned on a switch, figures made themselves known. A woman crying out after the body hidden under the white sheet on the gurney that passed me. A white sheet that was stained red, a sheet that didn’t hide a small dead white hand that dangled limp off the side. 

Jaimie. Oh god, that child was Jaimie. They killed her son, right in fucking front of her. She had no choice but to watch him die, to see the very last thing she loved, leave her behind in a world where she was all alone. Without waiting for a further response from Winter, I headed towards the room. Each step that I took, the clearer it became. Rooms filled with equipment, lights blaring, restraints hooked to gurney’s, things that my nightmares were made of. 

I could tell the door was forced open from when Steve kicked it in. The room was an office, with an observational window that looked onto a white tiled room that housed surgical and testing equipment. Ones that were very familiar. I quietly stepped into the room, alert for anything that stood out or obscured a tripwire. Shelves were filled with books, glass jars filled with unidentifiable liquids, the desk covered in old papers. On closer inspection, the pages were covered in equations and sketches of what looked like small figures....the same figure on every page. I flipped through them, skimming the information as I went. Numbers, lists of failures and successes, notes on processes, diagrams pointing to the figure. 

A file peeked from underneath the papers, flipping it open I managed to quickly scan the page before I could feel my control slipping. My vision became red the more I took in the information, I could feel Winter’s rage mix with mine. He lied to her, lied to me...again, and now he was trying to get rid of her so neither of us would find out the truth. My skin crawled with rage as the papers wrinkled in my hands. I could feel my protocols were threatened, my mission was to protect her at all costs. No matter the consequences. With whatever control I had left, I slipped all the papers and whatever I found useful into a box and headed back to the quinjet. 

The jet started up, with an incoming message from Tony. I didn’t answer, for I was holding onto the table hard enough for the metal to fold into itself. I couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe or think properly. Fighting the urge for Winter to take over, I wasn’t going to go through that again. I needed to be in control, but the will to give in was stronger than I thought. 

**‘Give in Barnes!’**

_ ‘No! I won’t, I can’t be that person again! _

**‘You read the reports, you know what he did! What she went through! Our mission is in jeopardy because of that bastard. Our mission is to protect!’**

The table finally gave way as I threw it across the cabin of the quinjet as I felt the last of my control slipping from me. Images of Y/N being sent away, a failed mission and what that might aim towards me. The thought alone of being separated from her without knowing this would kill me. 

“Buddy, what’s your status? Barnes, I’m not kidding, mission report.” The sound of Tony’s voice crackled through the speakers but sounded muffled as if I was underwater. I slipped into my subconscious, letting Winter take the reins on this one. The only thing that mattered was that Y/N stayed.

He pushed the communication switch,  _ “ _ _ Tsel' podtverzhdena, ubit' kod, initsiirovannyy.” _ Clicking it off before Tony could reply. I sat back inside my head as our visions turned red, watching him take control of the jet as we took off back towards the tower.  

We would not fail our mission, the man behind the lie would be dealt with. It was Winters turn to have a say in this.

\--------------

_ Back at the tower _

Y/N’s POV

 

“Buddy, what’s your status? Barnes, I’m not kidding, mission report.” Tony repeated through the com, only getting static buzzing in return. He looked at me and shrugged, “Maybe he’s not done y-” he was cut off when he got a reply.

_ “Tsel' podtverzhdena, ubit' kod, initsiirovannyy.” _ The com clicked off as I paled, this wasn’t Bucky’s voice. No, this was a voice I haven’t heard in years, one that always spoke the same way after every mission, after every treatment. After all, control was stripped away.

“Y/N, are you okay? Do you know what he said?” My eyes slowly made their way to Tony’s, who was crouching in front of me. 

“He, he’s gonna...he’s gonna kill Steve.” Tony’s hands tightened on mine, “He said, ‘Target confirmed, kill code initiated’, his protocols were triggered.” I watched as Tony ran a hand through his hair anxiously before he stood up. 

“Steve needs to be warned about this.” I grabbed his hand, turning him around quickly. 

“No, you don’t understand. His protocols were triggered, his mission is jeopardized.  _ I’m _ his mission,  _ I’m _ in jeopardy.” When Tony didn’t say anything, I replayed the message, that same monotone voice ringing over the speakers. Pointing at the computer, “Bucky didn’t say that.”

“What do you mean Bucky didn’t say that?” Tony looked at the message, then back to me. 

“Whatever he found, he willingly gave up his control to the only one he never wanted to be,” I watched as Tony’s eyes grew in understanding, “Winter is now in control and he’ll do anything he can to make sure that the threat is neutralized.”

“Tony, the Winter Soldier is coming and he. Will. Not. Miss.”

\----------------------

“Okay, why are we suited up? And why does Tony have Y/N surrounded by his suits?” Clint asked Tony talked quickly with FRIDAY. 

“Because Barton, Captain Spangles over there just signed his fucking death wish to our good ol’ pal Winter,” Tony replied, inputting the last of the protection codes into the suits. They won’t let anything get to her, not even Tony, FRIDAY was in full control of the suits until he knew there was no longer a threat. 

“What death wish? Bucky’s no longer the Winter Soldier Tony, not if I can help it.” Steve asked, sending a glare my way, which I tried to ignore.  

FRIDAY answered before Tony could, “Boss, I must inform you that all levels have been locked out of my system and the lift codes have been overridden.”

“What?!” The others stood abruptly, “Who the hell is after Steve, Tony and how the fuck did they get pass FRIDAY?!” Before he could respond, the elevator doors opened and a canister being tossed out. Quickly, the room began to fill with smoke. 

“Holy shit…” everyone began coughing as the smoke reached them, but soon our attention was drawn to the blacken figure who was making their way through the thick smoke screen. Weapon at his side, cold, dead on set directly on his target. 

 

“Steve look out!” Clint yelled as he noticed the soldier take aim, Steve ducked out just in time as the bullet almost grazed him, grabbing his shield to deflect the oncoming bullets fired at him. Before someone could make a grab for the soldier, he aimed low, putting a bullet straight through Steve’s calf. Causing him lose his sense of balance slightly, which gave Winter the perfect opportunity to kick the shield into Steve’s face, breaking his nose in the process, before ripping it out of his grasp. Tossing it across the room, well out of Steve’s reach. 

I saw Nat run towards Winter, but he was prepared. He fired a wire trap at her, which wrapped a wire net around her which was a high-end grade metal. Takes twice as long to cut through, slowing her down enough that she was out of the picture. Clint loaded his bow and aimed at him. 

“Clint no!” The arrow-headed straight towards Winters' arm, releasing a disk that shot an electrical current shot through the arm. However, that didn’t slow him down, instead, he pulled out a gun from its holster and shot at Clint with clear intentions. Bullet going straight through Clint’s firing arm so he could not put his bow to good use.

 

I remained helpless, wanting to desperately help protect those who have become my new family, but knowing if I did I could be severely injured or worse. Not to mention FRIDAY wouldn’t let me pass anyway. While Winter was firing at Clint, Steve managed to rush towards him, knocking him to the ground where he tried to rip the weapon out of Winters' hands, but also prevent it from hitting him in the face. I could literally feel the anger and hatred dripping off the assassin in waves so strong that caused me to collapse from the density of it. Tony rushed to my side after FRIDAY let him through, to check my pulse. 

“Y/N your pulse is running rapid, you need to breathe, breathe and calm down.” I tried to focus on what Tony was saying, focus on what he was feeling, but it was useless. Winters emotions were so fierce that it covered all my other senses. “Y/N stay with me alright! Fuck!” He scrambled out of the ring of suits towards the area where Bruce, Dr. Cho were staying. Talking with them urgently before rushing back with a first aid kit in his hand. “You’re bleeding, we need to stop the bleeding.” I tried to reach out towards the soldiers who were going at it neck to neck, wishing they’d stop. 

\--------------

_ Winters POV _

I force Steve off of me, pulling out a set of knives from my belt as he jumped back up, fists at the ready. It doesn’t take long for him to throw the first punch, in fact, I encouraged it, make him feel like he’s winning a fight he cannot win. His moves were good, but mine was better. I swung a knife down, slicing through his suit cutting into the flesh, blocking his fists with my left arm. I wielded the knife tightly as I cut at him again, the tip brushing against his suit. He continued to block me enough so I wasn’t able to do much damage, but enough to make him bleed. We ended up towards where his shield lay on the ground, with quick reflexes he grabbed his shield blocking yet another blow. I dropped the knife to my left hand and used it to jab it into Steve’s shoulder. I moved in, but he quickly spun around behind me, reached back to grab my neck and throw me over his shoulder, only then to ram his shield into my left shoulder. 

I stay put to get my bearings, I could feel Barnes rage grow stronger every second. Feel how much the trust between them lingered on a single thread. Under the fringe of the hair covering my face, I locked eyes with his girl. Who was curled up on the floor blood dripping from her nose and ears, head cradled on Tony’s lap as they watched with matching expressions of worry. I knew what we were doing was creating her pain, the aura Barnes gives off is always stronger when she’s near. 

“Bucky I warned you about this, about her. Stop acting like a shithead and get your head screwed on straight because this has gone on long enough!” Steve’s yell had me looking towards him instead. 

 

_“_ _Dolzhen byl dvazhdy podumat' ob etom, kapitan.”_ I stand up, eyes locked onto my target as I slowly stride towards him, rotating my left shoulder back into place, _“Bucky ushel i ostavil menya otvetstvennym.”_ I grinned at him, loving the way his face paled in realization that Bucky was no longer in control, then I pounced on him. Ramming my shoulder into his gut, I ran him into the wall, using a piece of concrete that fell to smash against his face. Leaving a gash on his cheek. I didn’t give him time to breathe, before I jammed my knee to his stomach, bringing down my elbow harshly to his upper back as he hunched over due to the blow. Taking a hold of his belt, I threw him across the room, picking up my gun as he stood up from the table ruins. However, before I could take my shot, a knife was embedded into my wrist. I didn’t need to turn around to know who threw it, the design alone gave ‘em away. I simply ignored it, she wasn’t the mission, but I wouldn’t be responsible for her injuries. 

“Stop this, bring Bucky back!” Steve shouted, Nat and Clint off to the side ready to step in if he needed it. How touching, but he knows what he did, what he decided on doing. I wasn’t even sure if his friendship with Bucky was ever going to be repaired after this. 

_ “Net.” _ Moving rapidly, I emptied the clip at Steve, hitting him square in the shoulders, upper thighs, then using the Widow's knife to barely miss her artery in her leg as a warning to back the fuck off. I looked back at the Captain, who was wincing from his wounds, images of those we watched suffer from the hands of Hydra. The agony, pain, and torment Bucky had to go through and how Y/N was the only one to calm both our raging storms. I could tell Bucky was fighting with me to regain control and I’ll give it to him when the time is right. 

I need to finish the mission. 

I stomp towards Steve, who managed to land a punch on me, giving him an opportunity to bash his elbow into my side. I heard the sound of bones breaking as I collided my fist with his ribs. Taking joy in the air being stolen from him. So I did it again to the other side, then switched my aim towards his knee, hearing it pop. He quickly stumbled to the ground easily, snatching the gun at my hip I whipped it up over Steve’s face, finger on the trigger. The end of the mission in sight. 

“NO!” Everyone stops, Steve’s eyes move over to where Y/N was currently standing, with Tony’s help, the suits off to the side. Barrel of the gun still over his head, I lock eyes with hers. Bucky screams out in pain, knowing that this news could break her. But hatred towards his best friend from not telling them.  _ “Spyashchiy soldat, ne delay etogo.” _

_ “Neobkhodimo ustranit' ugrozu, nepolnaya missiya.” _ I growl back, knowing that Bucky would have to take the reins soon or I wouldn’t be able to let go. Y/N just stared at me, in me, to Bucky, pleading for him to come back, for us not to do this. 

**‘She’s right, we can’t do this, we’re not what Hydra built anymore’** I told a heartbroken Bucky, who I could tell, desperately needed Y/N’s presence. 

_ ‘What do I do? How do I explain this?’ _

**‘Just tell them. No waiting, just tell them. You need to take control back Barnes, do it now before I won’t be able to give it back’** I could tell everyone was watching as I began to shake, gun still perfectly aimed at Steve’s head. Feeling Bucky fight against me for control, sensing the last few threads of my control slipping over towards him. It wouldn’t be much longer until he was back.

\---------------

_ Bucky’s POV _

I broke through the constraints and took control of myself again, but seeing Steve underneath my gun sparked my anger. I pulled the trigger, emptying the clip as I screamed for all it’s worth. I watched as his face grew paler with every bullet embedding themselves into the floor a foot beside his head. When the clip clicked empty, I punched him one last time before standing up, tossing the gun to the side. No one said a word, glancing between the both of us. 

“Bucky?” I glared down at Steve. 

“You don’t get to say my name, not now, not ever.” Stepping away from him, I made my way towards Y/N, whose face was streaming with tears. “I’m so sorry baby, I’m so sorry.” I wiped the tears away, ignoring the fact that Steve was starting to stand up.

“You don’t mean that.”

“Fuck you, Rogers! Fuck. You. YOU LYING PIECE OF SHIT!” I roared back at him, Nat even startled by the force of it. 

“Bucky, what are you talking about? What’s going on?” Y/N’s hands tightened on my arm. 

“I had to Bucky and you know it! They’ve been planning it for years and you’re exactly what they need!” Steve yelled back. 

“You lied to me, Rogers! You lied to Y/N! I don’t give a crap about your opinions about my love life, but you had no right to hide this from me!” 

“Can someone please tell us what the fuck is going on!” Clint and Tony shouted in unison. 

“Nothing is going on…” Steve tried to defend himself, but it was my turn to hand over the lasts blow.

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US THAT JAIMIE IS STILL ALIVE?!”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> *peeks over box* So......what did you think? Please let me know! Your comments are what keeps me going! 
> 
> What do you think is going to happen next? Do you think that Steve will be able to get his head out of his ass and realize what's going on? Do you think his friendship with Bucky will get fixed or no?
> 
> Oh and here's the translations, so if they're wrong my bad:   
> tsel' podtverzhdena, ubit' kod, initsiirovannyy - Target confirmed, kill code initiated
> 
> Dolzhen byl dvazhdy podumat' ob etom, kapitan - Should have thought twice about that lie captain
> 
> Bucky ushel i ostavil menya otvetstvennym - Bucky’s gone and left me in charge
> 
> Net - No
> 
> Spyashchiy soldat, ne delay etogo - Stand down soldier, do not do this
> 
> Neobkhodimo ustranit' ugrozu, nepolnaya missiya - Must eliminate threat, mission incomplete


End file.
